Looking through the glass..

There’s a friend of mine whom I told about my worrying days and bad feeling about a particular thing. I told him that my intuition says so and he said, "As an experienced man who has gone through a lot of things, I can only say one thing and that is to FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION!". He said that not because he is an experienced man but because HE KNEW what was actually happening and HE KNEW that my intuition was right!

The thing is following intuition can be right sometimes, but deciding acts on intuitions can make us feel like being  too reactive . It’s like being too controlled by emotions so we tend to stick with positive thinking. Trusting your intuition can be a real dilema and for me it feels like a strange phenomenon.

The definition of an intuition is that it is is an immediate form of knowledge in which the knower is directly acquainted with the object of knowledge. Well, humans experiences raw emperical data (called qualia) and some philosophers believe that it is the base of intuitive. Some says that intuition is another form of common sense, but I believe that intuition is somewhat different. It’s like the result of analysation process, but you never remember going through the progress, you just suddenly feel something. It usually comes in a form of that stuffed feeling on your chest, that quick stomachace, that quesy feeling before and after eating, or that crying in the middle of the night for no reason (if it’s not PMS), or just that sudden worry you get after realising something. Well, maybe going through a logical process of analysing something would give you more accuracy that make you trust your decision more compared to believing that sudden feeling.

However, after experiencing a lot of things, I am kinda having a love-hate relationship with my own intuition.  After all the things I’ve gone through, I have made a conclusion that most of the times, my intuion would be right. That can be good and bad at the same time. I can love it because it can give me some clues about  the situation I was about to face (or I was facing at the time) but I can hate it because usually it’s "not just a feeling".

So until this time, even though it has been proven that my intuition is very sharp, I still feel hard to choose between trusting my worry or having more positive thingking. I guess the wisest thing to do for now is to check the problems like your intuition tells you but still choose act proactively with positive thinking!!

I haven’t listened to the song "Rhythm of the Rain" for a loooooooooooooooooonggggg long long time, until I heard it again on Sunday. Well, I went to a fitness center to accompany my Mum and there was that song being played. I know it’s not a suitable song to be played when you’re bussy sweating and exercising ^^ (I was expecting song like "It’s Raining Man" or some sort of that) but it was very delightful to hear that song after such a long time.

All Sunday, all Monday and all Tuesday I’ve been singing that song that I bore all people around me. My sister, Amanda is quite sick of that song already, but at campus Prilla and Tika accompanied me for the sing-along. Everytime it rains, I feel like singing that song. At first we thought the song was played by "The Beatles" but it was actually sang by Cascades (duh.. but it does sound like the Beatles!!). And today, after all these three days, I finally got the song!!! Oh yeah!!! (Thx to Gerry!) So yeah now I’m happy I might write the lyric down as a tribute to you!! Oh, if you want to listen to the song, I think I already changed my profile song from "Do the Whirlwind" by Architecture in Helsinki to this song…

Listen to the rythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I’ve been
I wish that if you go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

Oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter Patter Pitter Patter ohhhh…

Everyone wants to look good.. something close to more or less fashionable. If a girl is fashionable and we really like her style, should we say that we like THE CLOTHES SHE WEAR or HOW SHE WEAR HER CLOTHES? I go with the second answer because you’ll realise that the kind of clothes that people wear have a little to do on their look but how they wear their clothes is the main thing that affect their looks. Let’s say, even if another girl is being given the same wardrobe etc as a fashionable girl, the other girl will probably wouldn’t look the same as the the fashionable girl because whether they want it or not, the way they wear their clothes differently. And even if they try to wear their clothes in the same way, they will still probably look different too.

In here, I don’t try to judge and say that some people were just born to be fashionable and others don’t because some people are just simply look good in everything. Instead, I am trying to say that no one should ever put any effort into being "fashionable". Being fashionable isn’t everything, it’s not like that most people are that shallow to judge you only by appearance. That’s why, the only thing people can do to is to choose clothes they like and they feel comfortable in.

Don’t get fooled if you are reading through the magazine and you want to try something that look appealing on those models but you know won’t feel comfortable in. It’s just a one step closer to be a fashion victim. Another thing is do not ever copy a person’s style, it looks good on her doesn’t mean it looks good on you. Some people will probably be proud finding themselves being a trendsetter (they say imitation is the best compliment) but to copy it head to toe wouldn’t probably make her very happy. Find your own style because it will make you look much more special.

Next time you want to look for a new clothes, remember it doesn’t matter whether you go around boutique looking for Chanel and Prada or you go around sunday market and gede bage for second hand clothes because it’s not the matter on the clothes you wear but how you wear your clothes.

For some of you who are close to me, you might know already that I have been quite emotional during the past several days for a particular reason and I deeply apologize for all the inconvenience I’ve caused to all of you but I am very glad that you all were right there to support and be with me. Thank you.

Well, my emotional days are over. I have been feeling stuffed, and I couldn’t stand it anymore I talked my feeling over with my parents. Well, I’ve been trying not to do that because most daughters sometimes don’t want their parents to know that their sad but since parents are one of the closest people to you so I guess what’s to hide. When I tell them my problems and they always come up with words of wisdom and suggestions that can always make me feel better.

From that time forward, I realise that being emotional doesn’t help. You can get your trusted ones to listen to your story over and over again but even though it does make you feel better at the time, it doesn’t help. It would hurt even more because you go over and over again. Once you’re bitching about people who dissapointed you, it just make the problem even worse. One thing, I have tried to stop being emotional.

Another thing I realise is trying to place a blame on something sometimes just doesn’t work. Is it me? The guy? The girl? Others? Firstly, I used to try to blame myself. Well, for being ignorant sometimes and not caring enough. However, I realised maybe my fault is just on trusting someone sooo much that once I get betrayed I fell to pieces and felt dissapointed like crazy. What’s wrong with trusting someone too much? There shouldn’t be anything wrong. Just like how it’s better to let go one thousand criminals than to punish one innocent person, for me it’s better to trust one thousand people who lied to you than not trusting one honest person. I guess I cannot stop any of the act (well everyone has their right) but I keep thinking it would be better if he can be honest and tell me all the truth. As bad as it gets, it’s still the truth. Then I realised just how you cannot stop one from doing something of their will even if it hurts you. Worse, you cannot even force someone to be honest to you. I actually prefer blaming every problem on myself because when it’s your fault you’re in control to fix the condition but when it’s somebody else’s fault you’re not as in control to fix the condtion. I guess I don’t know how to fix the condition for this case. I know a little dislike can make me feel a bit reliefed (everyone tells me that it sometimes okay to dislike people who have dissapointed you because at the time they didn’t think about your feeling so why should you waste your time on them – but gosh deeply inside I hate hating..)

Now even though I’m not fully healed (but I am optimistic and I do believe that time heals all wounds and lots of things in my life can make the process a lot lot faster), I come into a realisation that for some problems you just have to let go. I realised and I have take a look around me and see how much I have ignored a lot of things in my life all these times just because of my hurted feeling. I forgot my basic philosophy in life which my parents always tell me, "As long as you’re happy and do the best for yourself and others." I haven’t done my best for myself and others and I haven’t been happy so I know what to fix in my life now. I guess the best solution for now is just like how The Beatles sang it:

There will be an answer

Let it be

Sometimes you just have to let it be or let it goes…………..